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I like Black and Latin guys, but I have ran in to dificulties when trying to develop anything more than a friendship. It's sometimes met with hesitation or anger, usually due to a perception that I am part of a greater evil. There have also been guys who have went as far to say that white men are only interested in having a partner they can be more powerful than, socialy and /or financialy. I find this to be a sweeping generalization, and don't have any idea how to get past this - especially if I like the guy.
I won't try to be coy - I find Black and Latin guys to be very sexy, but I see no difference to that from a guy who likes blonds, bears or green eyes. So if I am out and I see a sexy man, I want to make a good impression and hopefully get a number or a name. I can only get so far if someone has a preconcieved idea about what I am about. I find this unfair, since my mind never goes there unless there are usual red flags you would get with a person of any background. Trash is trash, no mater what color their skin is.
So I would like to know how to meet a quality guy without being confronted with the belief that my intrest is based on prejiduces, power trips or stereotypes. I would also like to put it out there that there are guys like myself that simply like a strong, Black or Latin man for no other reason that there is an attraction, and it is based more upon values and self esteem and less about discrimination.
I won't try to be coy - I find Black and Latin guys to be very sexy, but I see no difference to that from a guy who likes blonds, bears or green eyes. So if I am out and I see a sexy man, I want to make a good impression and hopefully get a number or a name. I can only get so far if someone has a preconcieved idea about what I am about. I find this unfair, since my mind never goes there unless there are usual red flags you would get with a person of any background. Trash is trash, no mater what color their skin is.
So I would like to know how to meet a quality guy without being confronted with the belief that my intrest is based on prejiduces, power trips or stereotypes. I would also like to put it out there that there are guys like myself that simply like a strong, Black or Latin man for no other reason that there is an attraction, and it is based more upon values and self esteem and less about discrimination.
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Re: Getting past generalizations
Thu, January 3, 2008 - 6:13 AMI just had a similar conversation at work. There were girls saying how they preferred this or that ethnic type, and frankly, I don't understand that attitude. I really think all women are attractive in their own particular way if they are at all. I don't understand how you could make that kind generalization in this day and age.
At the same time, I was at a bar the other day, and this drunken woman comes up to me telling me how she loves big black men and everything, she was a light skinned Latina. I certainly didn't raise any objections at the time, but this isn't the first time I've been regarded as a fetish object by a non-black woman. At first it's sort of flattering, but in retrospect, it's sort of cheapening. -
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Re: Getting past generalizations
Sat, January 5, 2008 - 12:14 AM
In the words of James Baldwin... "As long as u continue to think of urself as white - i am forced to be black" (VERY badly paraphrased, i'm sure)
Maybe try not to be so sure that u "like black and latin" guys... i mean thats a sweeping generalization right there....
Maybe u could think of liking some HUMANS with a certain color range...
I myself don't TRUST white guys who exclusively date 'us', or who are TOO pre-occupied with race or skin color.... and its not necessarily for not wanting to be objectified or cheapened (great word to use Deva...)
what it means to me when a white guy says that (or a dude of color only dates white guys...altho THATS a whole OTHER deal going on there....), is that he hasn't evolved enuff to see that RACE IS A FALLACY. There is a gene for SKIN COLOR, not ur 'race'...... There are cultures and there are facial features... Any guy who i'd trust my heart to will know that is a damn poor way to group people.
i pride myself on not having a 'type', and realizing that i have my eyes and heart open to A PERSON, not a skin color, or a pre-conceived idea of what i have told myself is 'hot' about a certain 'type' that is different from me.....
It's EXTREMELY hard to REALLY talk about matters of race with many white people, as so often there is just SUCH a gulf of understanding that has been ground into the psyche of every person of color, that 'whites' just CANNOT quite, TRULY, intrinsically, DEEPLY grasp about the experience of having a non- white appearance......
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