<it takes 'em forever to give up the panties. >


either you're *extremely* impatient or you're shopping in the wrong section.

how long is your forever?

*cheers*

Whoa! I thought I was the only one!

Black Angus, I hear and feel your words.

I have many things in common with you and your experiences, having gone through a similar situation. Perhaps this explains our desire to just find people who are "just people."

I am from the deep south too. South Central Los Angeles. Went to a school named Foshay Jr High, known for being a "rowdy school." Most of my friends were in gangs, but I somehow stayed away (parental influence!). My best friend was a blood, while the school was pretty much all crip (20's vs. 30's). Needless to say, this led to a few tense moments, but nobody gave me shit (I got away with a lot, since I was a drummer in the school band -- this gave me a hint to a future of playing music and being excused from everyday artificial realities...)

Anyway, I got a scholarship to attend a very exclusive prep school here in Cali. The year was 1981, and polyester was still in. I then found out about the preppy world (what a shock).

It was a small school, less than 300 students. I got there the first year the girl's school opened. About 260 guys, and 34 girls. Can you say "pickle party?"

Never the less I was there to learn, but despite my earlier experience with busing (7th grade -- South Central to Sherman Oaks in the Valley), I still had a little culture shock. I mean the first school dance pissed me off ("why the hell are they dancing like that?").

Okay 34 girls, 260 boys, and I am one of four black kids at the school (and the youngest, a sophomore). Obviously, I was like Broadway Burned Down (uh, no PLAY at all!). Plus I was a shrimp. Double whammy, sentenced to a few years playing Dungeons & Dragons and learning about punk rock.

I hung with a lot of asian kids, as they had more appreciation of black culture (maybe this explains my attraction to asian ladys and why I married a Japanese girl?). I had to get attention where I could.

The one black girl in the school, I sat behind in my African History class. Go figure, I had to go to an elite prep school to get the skinny! I may have never heard of people like Shaka, Jomo Kenyatta, or heard about historical non-events like Mau Mau. This girl was pretty hot, had a cool african name, was nice...but despite my charming personality and jheri curl, I still didn't get any play.

Having gone through that experience, out there on the frontier, I know that I have been enlightened about a few things, yet damaged by others. The whole self-hate thing surfaced and I had to figure myself out. I couldn't tell you how many times kids would ask if I was from Watts (like it was a bad thing). I tried so hard to explain where I was from, the difference between there and Watts, and also that Watts wasn't such a bad place. I also began to absorb this new culture, including the standards of beauty herein (and yes, the common standards of syntax). And just like yourself, I entered college via the psych field (Quantitative Psychology).

Got bored with Psych, and trying to fit in at UCLA (even joined a frat, but at least we were the freak frat made up of collegiate flotsam and jetsam -- we even had a goth kid). I left school to pursue music and somehow ended up in Brooklyn. I played in a rock trio with my two white friends.

The east coast was another shock. I never even met a Hatian before. I never heard another brotha speak french like that! We weren't in Kansas anymore...it was here that I began seeing the bigger picture.

It began with me suggesting the band join the Black Rock Coalition. My friends were cool, very progressive, althought pretty white for going to meetings up in Harlem. The funny thing was, I saw another kind of prejudice, because the BRC "questioned our desire to be involved" (two white kids and one black, playing some sort of punk/metal hybrid?). I called them on that shit, I thought that they were being hypocritical. They must've seen it too, and they allowed us in.

Still wasn't getting much play, 'cause chicks didn't know what "side" I was on. I had my hair relaxed into something different, got heckled as being "Bon Jovi's side kick" every time we walked by the projects, I was a man without a country...

So I discovered "just being myself" and living by a standard not common among most in many races. I tried to really live in a colorless society.

I came back to Cali and found it. In the early 90's, the music scene (now in hindsight) was an amazing thing. A lot of the bands had cats that thought like I did. We were all misfits and chose friends based upon how real they were. All of a sudden, strange combinations of people began hanging out. My band, Bottom 12 (seemingly made up of 12 random people spanning racial, gender and age boundaries) started playing/hanging with Dead, White & Blue (one White skinhead, a Native American, and a tattooed rocker). Then came Frija (all black metal band from Long Beach). Cats like Tom Morello (Rage Against the Machine) and Maynard (from Tool), would come around to. We would always party at my friends' place (my friend Jeff & the late comedian Freddy Soto's place). Hence the name, "Club Freddy."

This was utopia. Imagine 30-40 people crammed into one bedroom, 3:30am on a Tuesday night, dancing to Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On," played 11 times in a row. AND PLAYED REALLY LOUD!

Yeah we were all drunk, high or whatever, but more importantly, we were black, white, latino, asian, native american, middle eastern...it was beautiful.

To this day there have been unions/babies/friendships from that time. I have never experienced anything like it. Many of us from those days recount our learning of this unconditional acceptance, and having it shape our lives from that moment forward. It was during this time that I learned that love between two people was simply a beautiful thing, no matter what the color of their skins or cultural backgrounds. I now see mixed couples of all kinds everyday, and think "that is so cool." When I see a black woman with I white man, I don't freak out, I know what they endure. I support them and always smile. When I was with my Japanese wife (uh, we're divorced now, that's a different thread), I would always catch shit from people of both Japanese and Black camps. I realized the world would always have people who understood and accepted mixed realtionships, and those who clung to old and out-dated ways.

In short, I think we are all on our personal journeys, and find varying degrees of enlightenment. I will not judge people for their ways and viewpoints, but seek to support true beauty when I find it.

Thanks for sharing your story, Black Angus, it helped me to see that our true nation is building...

and your daughter is lovely. Congrats!

Nuru there's always more to say and do.

We should always want and strive for the best for our people - really ingrain that in our minds and not feel guilty, or compelled to name-check or race-check every time we discuss helping ourselves.

I have friends from different parts of the world, and I speak candidly when asked about the changes I want to see and are trying to make in my community. They understand and respect that. They see our problems too, and they are working out their problems as well. There is nothing wrong with that.

We blacks should never be ashamed of our current condition in america, or what has happened to us. External circumstances, being the root cause, have led us to this present condition.

We are now on this wild rollercoaster ride of racism and discrimination, trying to make sense of everything, trying to succeed, and in the process we are making wise and unwise decisions.

The unwise decisions consistently get broadcasted (by the oppressor…sending the terrible message of (“see, look, they can’t think for themselves, they are inept, told you so”), giving them more opportunity to wreak havoc on our lives in this country. The confusing circumstances which have alot of times lead us to make these bad decisions are not being shown, for this very reason also.

We need to forgive ourselves for the current state of affairs we have found ourselves in, and move forward to make changes. This is the responsibility of the black folks who know what is really going on.

We should not try to hide or forget, or turn our backs on the rampant poverty and violence that occurs in our neighborhoods (although hiding it is impossible, people have eyes).

Being compelled to speak for other races in this process blocks your mind from the responsibilities you have in front of you, to transform yourself and your race.

This notion -to make sure we mention “the human race” to not exclude other people, is rampant in our speak.

I think black people name-check other races to show that we are humane people- not “monkeys” like the white folks said we were.

We are not an irresponsible, treacherous “monkeys”. And there is no need to prove our humanity to anyone. Just be alive.

Most members of other races are not concerned with us. And are saying, “why are you including me in your drama? I’m fine thank you very much.”

It’s fine to include the entire human race, but it has its place. It should not always be mentioned or accounted for, especially when we are working on fixing our circumstances.

I am sensitive to the troubles and needs of others in this world too, and I want to help them, but I have to take care of myself and my people first. We are a part of this world too.

It always better to tend to your well-being first, so that you can be of service to others, so we can all benefit.