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Interesting to note that as a gay man who is moreso than ever focusing on dating within my race that i've notice a thread with, not all, but some gay black men that revolves around "adopting" other younger black boys and calling them their sons. Initially i found it a tad bit creepy.... three men and a most recent fourth have shown pictures proudly of boys who have no "family" that they suppport...deny any sexual encounter, but call their child. I Never met a white in my almost 24 years who has shown me a picture of a child not biologically his and say that my son and it not be of a dubious nature.
This is interesting to me.... considering my father was not around purposefully...the more i dig i see men who want to "take up the slack"and fill in for absent fathers... this translates strangely though considering these are gay men. Like last night I had a date with a guy who was showing me pictures of his mom and there was a handsome young boy, 15, who he smiled at and hesitated to tell me who he was....he said...
Thats my son. I immediately thought................. "he was married."
he replied "no i havent had sex with a woman.... but he is my son." and further went on to explain that he has set aside money for him to go to college... the kid is Straight...he's 19 now but was 15 in the picture...and he sees him on holidays. no explaination on how this came to be.
It's touching to see that..... and I do wonder if there's something else to this phenom... maybe it isn't... but black people look at family far differently than your "average"white person. I'd venture to say minorities period ...save for asians ... have a multi generational approach to family and will readily take on those who dont share their blood. In white culture it seems... You are out of the house at 18.... Independence comes with a two digit marker. Family equals blood or something on paper. Black folk largely will not refer to their step siblings or half siblings as half siblings or step brothers or sisters... "you are my SISSTER ...and You are my BROTHER... you are my MOTHER... period."
So... i guess i wanted to toss those thoughts out and get feedback and additional thoughts on this experience.
This is interesting to me.... considering my father was not around purposefully...the more i dig i see men who want to "take up the slack"and fill in for absent fathers... this translates strangely though considering these are gay men. Like last night I had a date with a guy who was showing me pictures of his mom and there was a handsome young boy, 15, who he smiled at and hesitated to tell me who he was....he said...
Thats my son. I immediately thought................. "he was married."
he replied "no i havent had sex with a woman.... but he is my son." and further went on to explain that he has set aside money for him to go to college... the kid is Straight...he's 19 now but was 15 in the picture...and he sees him on holidays. no explaination on how this came to be.
It's touching to see that..... and I do wonder if there's something else to this phenom... maybe it isn't... but black people look at family far differently than your "average"white person. I'd venture to say minorities period ...save for asians ... have a multi generational approach to family and will readily take on those who dont share their blood. In white culture it seems... You are out of the house at 18.... Independence comes with a two digit marker. Family equals blood or something on paper. Black folk largely will not refer to their step siblings or half siblings as half siblings or step brothers or sisters... "you are my SISSTER ...and You are my BROTHER... you are my MOTHER... period."
So... i guess i wanted to toss those thoughts out and get feedback and additional thoughts on this experience.
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I think its great if the adoptive parents are loving and supporting people, like they seem to be from the article.
I can see how some people may think its weird. It is an unusual match, but it is wonderful and beneficial to have good people in your life. Children are very smart. They know what is happening, and can make sound decisions, especially with the proper guidance.
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While I have seen it in other cultures, I have noticed it is more prevalent with older blacks. There seemed to be a time when black people in general thought of the black community as their family. It is good to know that there are still people out there who realize that someone needs to step up and give these youth positive role models who are a part of these children’s lives. While 4 men may not seem like many it is at least a start.
Thank you for sharing.
